Why being Modest, Humble, and Reserved isn’t always great
Written By: Nick Nguyen | Read full profile
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Look, nobody likes a braggart.
I get that in life we’re supposed to let other people trumpet our achievements for us. But we’ve also got to acknowledge that it’s okay to share how far you’ve gone. One of the benefits of social media is that you can choose how you want your life to look.
Of course, you shouldn’t be going around posting fake, overblown parts of your life, but you should post things that make YOU happy.
What set this whole post into motion was this tweet that was posted in one of the Facebook groups I’m in.
I hate bullies and debbie downers. (Ironic for those who know me, because I’m incredibly pessimistic). But 5 years ago, I would’ve responded to this tweet saying “dude, why do you care? Just mute or hide the post and move on? Or do you have nothing better to do with your life?”
Now, I’m too busy to even bother. I trusted that others in the group would make the point for me. And luckily some did:
But then this response came along…
The person in red literally responded to everyone who was in favor of someone sharing their accomplishments on LinkedIn, screeching “you’ve got to be modest and humble.”
Maybe they were a troll. Who know? But seriously...do you really want to say that in a NETWORKING group? Good luck building YOUR network.
Okay sassiness aside, that thread did bring up two very important points:
1) “Modest and Humble has been detrimental to people of Asian descent in the corporate world.”
This is so true. People may not want to acknowledge it, but I live it. My parents are perfect examples! My dad is a skilled software engineer and had multiple chances to move up in his company or make it to FAANG, but because he grew up with this idea of being “modest, humble, and reserved” he never fought for it. He never believed he deserved it. He believed that someone would see his value and help him.
Low and behold, it’s 10 years later, and although some have acknowledged his talent, he hasn’t really moved up the corporate ladder.
Same story with my mom. She picks up the slack, doesn’t take any of the credit for her work, all in the name of “being modest.” She doesn’t believe in sharing her accomplishments and everything she finished for the day because that’s how we’re raised in our culture. She could easily be in a management position, training the next generation or helping the entire system run more smoothly, but instead, she keeps her head down and lets other people claim credit for her work.
They’re getting better about it now just because my siblings and I are really adamant about speaking up and giving credit where credit is due. But it still hurts to watch from the sidelines when someone you care about doesn’t get the recognition they deserve.
2) “Being vocal about my achievements just got me more authority/made me look more legit!”
This is so true. It’s a confidence booster. How can you do something if you don’t believe that you can do it? There’s a reason why we talk about ‘speaking things into existence.’
Half the battle is getting yourself to believe that you know what you’re doing. Why do you think when someone talks so confidently, even when they're wrong, they make you doubt yourself when you KNOW you’re right?
You’ll never be able to have that level of confidence and skill if you keep telling yourself to be modest, humble, and reserved. You’ve got to know when to share your accomplishments and achievements.
Doing it on LinkedIn, a social media platform designed to highlight work life, networking, and achievement is a PERFECT place to do it! If anything, it’ll be even more inspiring for those who haven’t been able to get that far.
Takeaway
Don’t be a jerk. Give people the benefit of the doubt, and don’t be so strict on what you define as being ‘modest’ and ‘humble.’ What may come off as bragging to you is motivational and inspirational to someone else. If it doesn’t vibe with you, YOU have the choice to ignore, mute, hide, etc.
So just do that instead of complaining. One great thing about twitter is that if you find the right people, you’re filled with feed that’s all about lifting others up even with small gains. And more importantly, about ignoring haters and people who are too busy crapping on other people’s accomplishments instead of working on their own.
““If you were really that accomplished, you wouldn’t be sitting here talking right now. You’d be enjoying the fruits of your labor.” ”
