Boba isn’t that great, it’s overrated.

I said it. It’s not that great. And I’m not a hater. I just think it’s overhyped. People go nuts and buy $100 worth just for themself. Why? Let me explain why boba isn’t worth as much as subtle asian traits makes it out to be. I’m a nerd so some math will be involved.

BUT FIRST

Joke of the blog: How long does it take to brew Chinese tea?

So. . . what is boba? Well, let us ask Dr. Google:

Everyone has their own definition of what boba is. Mine is just the drink: tea sweetened with milk, no toppings. Toppings cost extra and being unemployed, I’m too poor to afford egg pudding (egg pudding because I don’t like pearls). 

Why is it overrated?

First: Boba is Expensive

Sure, $3-5 doesn’t seem like much, but it adds up. Let me break it down for you.

At Kung Fu Tea, the cheapest milk tea you can get is $3.25 without toppings (remember I don’t get toppings). But including tax (I’m from Houston, Texas so 8.25%), the total comes to be around $4.06. Sounds cheap right? Let’s say I’m on a boba crave and I get it everyday for a week. That’s $28.42. Still not too bad. I mean, it’s worth 4 Chipotle steak bowls (or the way I order Chipotle, 8 meals) but who needs real sustenance right?

Now let’s say I’m madly in love with boba or just crazy for it I guess - still don’t know the concept of love due to being bullied - and I get it everyday for a month. We’ll say there’s 30 days in a month to make it uniform. That’s $121.80. I don’t know about you but that used to be my paycheck. 

And if I was totally addicted to boba, about to die if I didn’t have it pumping through my blood, and bought it everyday for a year, I’d be down almost $1500 ($1481.90 to be exact). To put it into perspective, it’s 166 Chipotle steak bowls, 30 10 oz. filet mignons at Perry’s Steakhouse, or 5 Nintendo Switches.

Second: It’s either sweet or bitter, nothing inbetween.

Depending on the drink, topping, size, and sugar level, boba is really sweet and if it’s not, it’s really bitter. I’m not a big fan of sweets (mostly because I’m prone to diabetes) and I don’t like bitter things. DEFINITELY NOT A FAN OF BITTERMELON.

I’m gonna keep talking about Kung Fu Tea just to stay constant and mostly because I can’t find nutritional facts for any other shop. 

I’m boring and plain, so my go to drink is usually the cheapest milk tea that any place has to offer. They gotta brew the basics perfectly before I bust my bank. KFT’s milk tea has 39 g of sugar at 100% sweetness level (the regular). On top of that, pearls, literal sugar balls, are soaked in a sugar bath and each serving has about 20 g.

That’s 59 g of sugar in total. More than a can of soda!! If you’ve ever baked, you know that’s a lot especially for a single 16 fl oz cup.

BASICALLY, bottomline:

To me, boba is overhyped. There’s a lot of sugar in one cup and it’s pretty expensive for a small amount. But that’s my opinion. I can’t tolerate sweets and I’m frugal with money. Don’t get me wrong though. I’ll crave it every so often and buy it maybe once or twice a month. Thai milk tea is my favorite drink (unless Kung Fu Tea makes it then it’s complete garbage) and egg pudding is my favorite topping. You just won’t see me with a cup in my hand all the time.

Honestly, I’d rather make my own drink. That way I know what’s going into my body and I can buy the cheapest ingredient out there (don’t need no fancy black tea from China). I get that some people can’t cook for the life of them. Some of them are my closest friends. But trial and error. And adjust to your taste. After all, you’re the one drinking it.

Disclaimer: None of this is to deter you from drinking boba. I just wanna shit on Kung Fu Tea cause they made my Thai tea wrong… twice.

If you’ve read this far, I wanna thank you. Please stick around for more on my unpopular opinions, puns, and jokes! Answer: Oo-long time

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